A Rock Is Always Hard


Dear  Ron,
I just bought a new computer chair.  The problem is that the chair is designed  so that if I sit straight there is a part that juts into my spine uncomfortably, and if I slouch I am okay, but I know I shouldn’t slouch, and if I sit up so that I do not have to have contact with the back of the chair, I think why did I buy a chair with a back at all  –it was a waste of money- and I get a guilt headache. What am I to do? I don’t want to take the chair back because I kinda like it.
Between A Rock And A hard Place

Dear Between,

Let me first offer my condolences. I know just how hard it can be to be between a rock and a hard place. Ron has been there most of his life.  I can tell you that a hard place is generally better than a rock, because we don’t know how hard  a hard place actually is, and some” hard places” are not too bad at all if you get my drift.
A rock we know about. Most people can tell you about a rock.  Experiment. Think rock. Is it hard? I think so! Right? Don’t go all cute on me and say, “well, there is such a thing as soft rock too, ya (sic) know? “ it is a bastardization of the English language to use soft and rock next to each other!
Experiment. Think “soft rock” Can we imagine a rock which is soft?  Can’t be done. Even poets who take licence with reality would never make these two words neighbours.
Well, let me modify that statement by saying there is one “schools of poetry “ which has. Think beatnik. These guys would do anything to shock the public. They even did away with upper -case letters.
But all sensible poets do nothing of the sort. I would also like to take issue with being between a rock and a hard place. Maybe that is just the place to be because you’re BETWEEN them not ON them.
Now this hard place. If we think hard place, lots of things come to mind. I know where my hard place is. It is right here trying to give other people good advice. It is a hard place to be because:  1)I can’t be drunk. 2) I have to hit the right keys when I type. 3) I should not be eating anything with gravy for fear of spilling some on my lap.
But is it really that hard? Not so when I compare it with the guy who has a brain tumour the size of a melon, or the fellow who is languishing in the hole in some maximum security facility, scraping a calendar on the wall with his fingernails.
Thus  ” a hard place” is not necessarily so hard after all.
About this chair business. I would advise you to throw it out and sit on the floor. Even if that is a hard place, it is an excellent way to re-connect with your atavistic side. Think Indian. Think spiritual. Think about what kind of chair you want to buy next time.
I hope this helped.


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