You Will Be Judged

on

Dear Ron,

This is a fashion question from a very fashionable guy. Is it okay to wear button-down  shirts  with  the collar wing buttons undone? I have seen people doing it, and it has been making me uneasy. I have to know.

Bound By Rules

Dear Bound By Rules,

The button-down collar was made to be worn buttoned! How could it be any different? Why would anyone go to the trouble of making little holes in the collar, sewing button on to the shirts and then think, well, let them button it if they wish to, or if not, just leave the collars unbuttoned!?

It is not logical. Nor is it respectful to the designer or to the people from other countries who work in this country or workers in China or Bangladesh who are spending their days in sweatshops churning out all of those shirts.

How do you think they would feel to see some guy with lose fashion morals bounding down some damn elevator with his wings fluttering in the wind? Would this same fashion ignoramus walk around with his flies undone.

As long as you are wearing  a garment with a zipper or buttons, they need to be done up at all times unless you are taking the garment off. Otherwise you are leaving yourself open to the draft of harsh judgement. And you will be judged.

I hope you feel a little less uneasy after reading this.

Dear Ron,
Thank you for your reply. It did calm me down. I am going to hurl another hot one at you and I hope you will field it. That is, I see men all over walking about with the top buttons of their shirts undone and their ties loose. Is that a faux pas as well?
B. B. R.

Dear Bound By Rules,

Faux pas is not the half of it. That practice is a travesty to fashionable men everywhere as long back as men thought to be fashionable was in fashion.
What is a tie for? To tie something up is what it is for. When you tie something up, do you leave it loose as well? That is a gross contradiction, and one that may well cause fashion repercussions well into the generation of our children and our children’s children.
If you think climate change is going to have a sobering effect on people’s lives, this may well surpass it in terms of magazine sales. What will they think of next? Let us all walk around without belts so that we can hold up our pants with our hands? Does this make the slightest bit of sense?  “I’ll just wear a tie and leave it undone.”
No, you won’t, mister! You want to wear a tie, you tie it, and keep it tied. Do you know that there are those of us who when seeing a partially untied tie think ,oh, I could go right up there and tie his tie properly, and if I get distracted while doing it, I might just keep tying it tighter and tighter until, Oh, goodness! What have I done? He doesn’t seem to be breathing too well.  I wonder if the next guy I meet with a loose tie will be as short of breath.
But this is just what is in danger of happening when society succumbs to loose fashion morals. I hope this has answered your question satisfactorily.

Dear Ron,
Satisfactorily?  Oh, dear, it was absolutely bracing.

Dear Ron,
Who the harry do you think you are giving fashion tips? From what I understand you have about as much fashion appeal as a hippo taking a mud bath. Can’t you just get off your high horse and act like a common man for once?
Ready To Rumble

Dear Ready To Rumble,

You are wrong. I don’t have as much fashion appeal as a hippo taking a bud bath. I have as much fashion appeal as a kangaroo in a hurry.
You don’t have to be a fashion plate to know what is fashionable. Read magazines, look at billboards, watch Hollywood Squares. If you want to know what’s fashionable, put on your fashion antennae. Mine  are always on, though you might not see it clearly because you are undoubtedly myopic.
I don’t know what you “understand” and you certainly don’t either. People who live in glasses often get wet and I can tell by the tone of your query that you  were not wearing a raincoat when you wrote to me?
You think you can never get splashed? Think again. You are dripping with jealousy for a man with vision. Dry out and get lunch. That is my best advice to you.  And I hope this helped.

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