I Am Forever Burning My Gums


Dear Ron,

I am forever burning my gums. I just ate a grilled- cheese sandwich (my passion!) and dropped it down a little too early, and now my tongue is scraping sheets of skin from my upper palate. What can I do to prevent this from happening again. I admit that I love to chomp down on the cheese while it’s still sizzling.

Anxious Andy

Dear Anxious Andy,

I think your name says it all. You are too anxious. Yes, the cheese looks mighty nice when it’s sizzling on the toast, but patience is a virtue, you know? Think about that the next time you take the sandwich out .  Lick your mouth, really tongue it, appreciating the soft, smooth skin you have there instead of eyeing the melted cheese, wishing to devour it that very instant.

Then go to the men’s room. Check your mail. Make a crank phone call if you have to. Do anything, in other words, you have to do to allow time for the cheese to cool off enough so that it won’t singe you.  When you think it’s safe, I would hold the sandwich up to really give it some air.

You might even open a window or two, but be sure to dress before doing that. Once you feel it is safe, just to make double-sure, blow on it a few times. Then carefully bite into it with just your teeth, not letting  the cheese come in contact with your gums. You should be able to tell at that point whether it is not going to injure your tender places. When it’s ready, chew away, congratulating yourself on your newly found patience.

And bon appetit!


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