I have a problem which is making me cramp. The fact is I am a pretty, young woman who has a boyfriend with a roving eye.
No, Ron, it’s not what you think. He is not looking at other girls, but rather, if you can believe my luck, the louse is looking at other men.
Yes, I just said that! Other men! I caught him perusing the Men Seeking Men ads on Craig’s List.
As I mention, I do not look exactly like cottage cheese. I have always been complimented on my complexion and my neck. I have a graceful carriage and I smell nice.
So what nerve does he have to look at men?
I don’t know what to do because we have so much in common: we enjoy the same movies, lectures and desserts. We have been together for nearly three years and are thinking about marriage. But do I want my newlywed hubby coming home to me with a yapper full of ga-Bob? No, I do not. I would rather be forced to pay retail for the rest of my life. What is a girl to do?
Dear Forlorn Fanny,
This is something I am going to ponder, since it is such a touchy subject, and so far from my own realm of experience. Let me get a handle on it and get back to you when wise words can pour from my fingers.
Okay, Fanny. I slept on it. It was not too comfortable I might add. But now it is morning and I brace myself to speak about this prickly (yes, prickly) issue.
It has occurred to me it is possible, Fanny, that Boyfriend has been searching out these ads in order to contact a man with whom he might on occasion meet for a sip of beer and a ha ha from time to time, a boon companion, in other words.
Forgive me, I am innocent of Craigs List. Not likely, eh?
Alright. Second possibility is that he is what today is termed” bi-curious.” He will fantasize about what men do to relax and to entertain each other’s orifices, but he will not take the step to do so himself. We men say that we are not interested in such activities, but how many are there among us who has never looked at a pants ad in the newspaper and not wondered what was on the other side of the material?
I am probably one of the minority who has not. Then comes (excuse verb choice) the more difficult to swallow (again, forgive verb choice) possibility that Boyfriend is in fact not as neatly hetero as you had imagined, and may have a thirst for adventure.
If that is the case, you could start to pump( yes, pump) some iron in order to keep his attention. I do not mean to be impertinent, but I have heard there are today some excellent makeshift organs for sale at the better erotic emporiums. One has just to tie it on and swing away happily. You could wear a Zorro mask while you are at it. Or If that is not among your inclinations, there is always the highway.
Ta and good luck.