Stay Away From Galoshes

Dear Ron,
Now that autumn is beginning I am having big problems deciding what to wear in the morning. Should it be a sweater? Should it be a jacket? Should it be a light coat? Short sleeves or long? Button up two or one? Thick socks or stay with the summer thinnies? These questions race through my head every morning like noisy cars in a tunnel at rush hour and make me testy. Is there a way I could be better at deciding what to wear?
Indecisive Doris

Dear Indecisive,

What you are experiencing is seasonal angst, which is not uncommon in places where people live.
What you need to do to make the transition between seasons agreeable for yourself in choosing what to wear is to open the windows wide and smell the air. You would be amazed what the air can tell you. Is it cold? Is it warm?  Is it raining? Is it sunny?  If the air tells you it is warm, don’t bother dragging out the old raccoon coat just yet, let it mothballize a little longer.
If you sense that it is an Indian summer day, dress like a true native would, in a wrap-around pelt.  If it is cloudy, choose bright clothing so that people can see you clearly. A layered look is always practical in weather that is iffy.
Wear layers that you can peel off quickly. People respect that because nobody really wants to watch anyone unlayer themselves for an extended period. It is too much like shedding, which is at best unseemly.
Once the autumn leaves begin to change hues, make certain that you don’t show colours that clash, since that could jar others, causing headaches.
By the same token, no colours on that might make others perceive you as a leaf. Almost nobody wants to have a conversation with a leaf on their lunch hour.
Even if there is a degree of water in the sky, I would stay well away from sliding into a pair of galoshes, as this tends to make us think of bad English movies. And besides, we don’t want to have to use the word “galoshes”, which fails to fall off the tongue in a graceful manner.
Carry an umbrella instead.  Battle the cool autumn winds with a smile and a jacket, animal hide is best, but please consult the animal first.
And keep the neck well protected. You are probably not fifteen anymore, so don’t pretend that you can’t get a neck cold. A turtleneck might be in order, but I am praying that if you make this choice you are not someone who sweats into their material. There is almost nothing  as distressing as watching a person in a pullover tug at it from the neck in order to blow in air greedily, especially if the person juts out their chin at the same time.
The head, of course, is also important to protect on those chilly fall mornings. People lose most of their body heat from their heads, you know.  Are you a hat person? There are so many nice ones out nowadays, but please find one that fits or you might be mistaken for a stork.
You are concerned about choice of socks. Thinnies or thickies?  Couldn’t you opt for something that falls in between? After all,  autumn is an in-between season.  Hey, how about nylon stockings? Do you have the gumption for it? You might just thrill someone in the process, that is, if your legs do not resemble wacky wood.
If that is the case, I would go with trousers.  We come to underwear. I am a firm believer in under clothing that breathes. Far too many folks these days are opting for synthetic fabrics. Spare me!  You need to be able to inhale down there.   Cotton pantaloons would get my vote.  I think I have covered everything. If you wish to get into more detail, write again, but I hope that will not be before the winter season is upon us.


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