Time Is A Pain

Dear Ron,
I have a “thing” about time. Either it goes too  fast or it goes too slow. Nowadays, it is going too slow. It is only like, 2 o’clock and I am sure it is 4. What can I do to make time get along with me?

Dear Tina,

Time. Time. Time.  Time is certainly one of the most important things in our lives, probably running a close second to looking your best. It is mentioned in song , in verse, and in the dictionary. It is translated into many languages. It even caused a boom in the Swiss economy when watches became the “in” thing to wear. But what is it?
Nobody really knows this. It is said that Einstein (Albert) tried tackling the nature of time but he got too bogged down in making his lunch engagements when he was supposed to and  gave up. Time is a slippery devil, but it has added so much to the English language. Consider all the ways we employ time in our language: “to have time, to make time, to kill time, to take time, to tell time, to waste time,  to two time. There are so many ways we kill time and then time ends up killing us.
So time is not something to be taken lightly.  Use your time, Tina. Do not let your time use you.  You are having  a hard time telling 2 o’clock from 4 o’clock. Is that so bad when we come to think about it? I sometimes have a hard time telling 11 o’clock from quarter past and it has never made me lose a wink.
But there may be a deeper issue with you if I can read between the lines of your question. Okay, I have just tried to read between the lines of your question and it was in another language or something.
I would forget about watching the clock, or simply move its hands ahead if you want it to be later than it is. I honestly do not think Time would hold it against you but I cannot guarantee that. It is always possible that Time would not like its hands fooled with and react in some unkind way. So maybe don’t go there.
Another possible way to make time go faster is to sleep more. Fortunately, time passes much more pleasantly when your eyes are closed, but I would try to keep anything to do with numbers one to twelve out of  your dreams.  How you may do this I am not equipped to answer at this moment, but I will give it some thought.
I have given it some thought and still can’t come up with a foolproof way to block the dastardly numbers from barging in and wrecking your dozies. Okay, I just got it, Tina! A sign. Put up a sign that says “No time is the right time”. Hang it beside your bed and see what happens. Good luck and keep me posted.


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