A Failure At The Gym

Dear Ron,
I am a muscle boy. I go to the gym, but I have a problem. My biceps  are not pumping. I do my curls religiously to try and get them up, but they don’t want to go anywhere. Even my trainer, Largo, is stumped, saying he has never seen anything like it since he graduated from trainer school. I am known as a freak at my gym and am starting to feel like a failure. What should I do about it?
Bicep Bust

Dear Bicep,

I have just looked up “bicep” in the dictionary and found out that it is a muscle in the upper arm, so you see how much I know about muscles. The only ones I really care about anyway are the ones  you scoop out of small shells, and even then only if the  the  gaps  are wide enough.  But about this Largo fella. Where did he graduate from, the school for boorish bumpkins? Largo thinks that because he has the bumps, he can talk down to anyone scrawnier than himself. I would pack him in and get yourself a trainer who kisses your ass a lot more.  And as far as muscles and manhood are concerned, there have been recent studies done that conclude there is an inverse ratio between muscular size and sexual stamina. The bigger the bumps, the fewer the humps.  I would start taking ballet classes if I were you.

Let me know if this helped. On second thought, don’t bother.

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