I Am Not Anorexo Or Anything

Dear Ron,
I want to stop eating. I am not anorexo or anything, I usually have a very good appetite, but I’d like to give my jaws a rest for a while. After all, I have been eating for 18 years straight and I am getting tired of it. The problem is that my parents are against it.  What can I do to convince them?
Babs

Dear Babs,
I applaud your decision. Eating is often a waste of time. Sure we need it to live, but maybe that is also overrated, and to think of all the time we use up scrunched over on the hoop that could be better spent doing macramé or reading magazines to the blind.
But I would ease your parents into it.  For instance, you could let them know that you have joined a sect that requires you to abstain from sustenance in order to grow spiritually. It is called fasting, and many religions require it at times.  Ramadan for the Muslims, Yom Kippur for the Jews, and  in between meals for the Presbyterians.
The wandering holy men in India called sadhus even believe they can nourish themselves strictly on the sun’s energy, and they are keen on it because they don’t have to leave tips at restaurants.
It is also a tried and true manner of releasing toxins from the body, but remember to drink lots of liquids rich in vitamins and vodka. Harvey Wallbangers are an excellent choice. Good luck and keep me posted.

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