Rake Your Leaves

Dear Ron,

Isn’t life unfair? Some people work their tail ends off while others hardly work at all. I am talking about  broadcasters. These guys tell the news, it takes about twenty minutes and then they are off to play golf, while I have to put in a ten hour day at the blintz factory for peanuts, which is what I usually have for lunch. And I notice these news guys got very nice clothes. What gives?

Jealous Jimmy

Dear Jimmy,

Please don’t be jealous. Jealousy only creates problems in the world. You might want what the spiffy news guy’s got, but did you ever think that his life might not be all aftershave and mouthwash?

Let’s just imagine that the guy is doing the news and  he is five to six minutes into it and he feels this terrible itch come on somewhere on his body. Well, he can’t do a thing about it. If he started to scratch, the viewers would get antsy too, and then what do you get? A nation of folks scratching their particulars while they are hearing about some very important world matters. I hate to think what that would do to the economy. It might cause the stock market to crumble or the dollar to hiccup.

This guy has got to pretend that he really doesn’t have an itch at all. He can’t let on.  Here he is, yapping away like everything is perfect, but his skin is screaming out to him at every syllable. I wouldn’t like to be in his clothes in that situation.

I like to be able to have a scratch when I need to. You can have a rub when you need it at the blintz factory, Jimmy, can’t you? You put down the blinz, rake your leaves and then you continue on, whistling as you go. If it gets too bad, you just cut for the lotion and nobody  is any  the wiser.

Think about it. Twenty minutes can be an eternity when you’re sitting on a bad patch. Thank Jehovah , Jimmy, that  you’re a blintz boy and not a news boy.

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