Nuts About Baklava

Dear Ron,

I have a terrible problem. I am nuts  (yes, nuts) about baklava and can’t stop eating it. I think I am addicted and I love it and hate it. What do I do, dear sir?

Nuts

Dear Nuts,

Certainly baklava is a delicious treat. I am now speaking of the Lebanese variety, NOT the Greek kind which is so sweet that  you spit up on the first bite! Don’t know what is wrong with those  Greeks sometimes. All  they seem to care about is sodomy and olives.

Well… re: your problem . Addiction is a strange phenomenon. People can get addicted to almost anything. Knew a guy once who was addicted to picking other people’s noses.  He made friend’s easily, and  predictably had lots of Jewish buddies, but when he offered to appease their sniffles, they branded him an anti-semite and outed him to the community.

My point here is that addictions are dangerous and could lead you to bad places. You, dear baklava, junkie, might end up on a plane to Lebanon to score the hard stuff, and get kidnapped by a Shiite faction who would consider your head a marble they might like to roll.

My advice is to muzzle yourself whenever you are in the bakery division of any supermarket.  Steel yourself like a Hindu ascetic on Kumbh Mela.  File past those attractive packages and sneer at them. Eventually your desire for the delicacy will fall away like a brittle leaf and you will be on your way to satori. Let me know whether you have succeeded in breaking the baklava bind.

This will help with practice.

 

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