Am I Turning Into A Woman?

Dear Ron,
I am  a sixty year-old man and I think I am turning into a woman.  I am  developing breasts , and my testicles, once a great source of pride of my virility seem to be shrinking.  I am more emotional than I used to be, crying at anything I find even slightly unfortunate. It is embarrassing me and I want to do something about it. Advise me.
Puddles

Dear Puddles,
There is nothing to be embarrassed about. It is normal and natural that as you get older, you change. And you are changing. Why are you becoming more feminine? That is a question that scientists answer by saying men lose their oomph as they age. You used to thrust and now you fuss. You were an animal and now you are a soft-boiled egg.  You  used to ball, now you  preen. You get the idea?
Do you have an irresistible inclination to buy shoes? Natural,  normal  if so. If no, just you wait. My advice to you is to stop fighting it. Go girly! Have lunch. Lisp. Practice maidenly grace. Undulate. Let me tell you, it can be better than being a man.

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