Bring Back The Back

Dear Ron,
Is farting so bad, Ron? Is it? It relieves tension, and it expresses to people something about us, like what we had for dinner.
I would like to change society’s attitudes about flatulence, but I can’t do it singlehandedly. What do you say we start a movement?
Gassy Garey

Dear Gassy Garey,

You are so right and it is something that deserves a second look. We live in a society that wishes to bury our natural functions and impulses. And we know where this leads – to building more and more toilets where people can be alone with their leavings.
It is causing us loneliness, isolation and environmental crisis. How many more trees have to be cut to satisfy our insatiable desire for toilet paper?
But I digess. You wish me to address the question of gas. I shall. Is flatulence offensive? That is the crux of your query.  I would suggest that expelling gas in company is no more offensive than singing an Abba song, in fact less, because the lyrics are better.
Let us go deeper into this problem.  Is it prejudice that makes society take the position that gas letting is not acceptable? Let us say we live in a home. Are we expected to always leave by the front door? What, I would like to know, is so terrible about exiting at the back?
I do it (often) and I should imagine others do as well. Why refute it? There are those among us who have an unnatural disaffection for the back, and especially for the lower portion of the back. Where would we be as a society if people did not have backs?We would be less than human, incomplete. We would all be sitting on our faces, which is definitely not convenient when you are playing checkers.
There is  pejoration of the back , even expressions we use , such as, “turning your back on…” or “backstreet”, “Don’t look back.”  Or “what an ass!.” To be up front is good, to back out is bad. Being at the back of the line is definitely not as good as being at the front of the line.  Back is generally considered inferior to front, wrong,  even morally suspect. We obviously burp from the front and we fart at the back, and so why it is more acceptable to burp in public than to fart?
Not fair. Gassy Garey, you make an excellent suggestion. Let us start a movement, indeed! I’ll back you up on that one.

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