Hair Means Sperm

Dear Ron,
I had a dream last night and I want to know its meaning. I dreamed that my granddaughter was born (my daughter is now pregnant with her first child) with a full head of hair and looked just like George Clooney. When I  saw her I didn’t know whether to hug her or to ask for her autograph.

In reality, I don’t even like George Clooney all that much, but I wish he would get a wife and settle down. What does this say about me, my granddaughter, my daughter and George Clooney. Please be specific.

Dream Girl

Dear Dream Girl,

Did you know that in the future babies will be born with a full head of hair. Something to do with the insecticides which are coating our vegetables. So, this is good news for people who love  combs.

This dream you had, though.  I would say without hesitation that, despite your denial, you have an unnatural affection for George Clooney. I mean by this that you wish you were his mother,  maybe even his grandmother so that you would not always be obliged to lather his socks and undershorts, but get full advantage of his suave good looks when you cared to.

But you desire to emasculate little George in the process. You are sorry that you possess no penis, and so to compensate you have turned George into a girl (your granddaughter) who is hairy. Hair, as we know, represents sperm. You want George to be a hairy little girl so that you could have sex with him while not feeling intimidated by him.  You want George, but you can accept him only if he is a girl.

George also is a stand-in for your own father, whom you admire, by the way –you want his autograph – and at the same time have/had a need to control –by hugging. We all know that you can kill someone by hugging them.

At the same time, hugging is obviously a sign of intimacy and affection. You want /need his love.  You want him to settle down. Of course, you do! Two words: “ Settle” and  “ Down.” What could be clearer? You want him to be not only near you, but also beneath you where you could control him and his hairy head.

He is close to you (granddaughter) but not so close that he can be a threat. I notice that you do not mention your daughter in the dream. That is because your daughter is George’s mother, whom you don’t want to see, who stands between you and George. It means that you are jealous of your daughter because she has George in her arms where you wish he were. You want to hug him, taking him away from her.

I would have to come to the conclusion that you hate your father. You may even hate your daughter too.
I would look at things about your father and your daughter  which  you  can appreciate. Their posture, for example, or their flair for decor. Put that uppermost in your mind when you think about them. Always balance their miserable habits with those traits which you find bearable.

And see more George Clooney movies and learn to accept that you will probably never have his  penis where you would prefer it.

Good luck!


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